Finding Myself
by Rise Me up and I will Smile
Summary: Canada. Matthew Williams. Yeah. Remember him? Well he's tried of not being seen. What will he do about it? Will he try to change? Or will he change without meaning to, and finally snap? - Hetalia Fanfic : OOC moments may appear from time to time And An OC of mine will be included. :
1. Chapter 1: I Am Canada

_**Rise: Hello All! :D**_

_**Ontario: This is her first story! :3 **_

_**Rise: Yes, yes it is. And it is, of course, a Hetalia Fanfic! :) **_

_**Canada: She owns nothing hetlia based.**_

_**Rise: Except for Ontario, she's my O.C. : D **_

_**Ontario: Reveiw Please!**_

_**Rise: I just love Feedback! =)**_

Canada was bent over the sink, glaring at his reflection in the mirror.

"Canada. Canada. Canada. Canada! CANADA! I am Canada! Mathew. Williams. I, Mathew Williams am Canada. I am here. I am NOT invisible. I EXIST!" He shouted. The man was nearly tearing out his hair trying to convince himself. He was tried of being ignored and pushed around. He was tried of being mistaken for his brother. He was tried of being known as 'Who?' Being a shadow in the background was not going to cut it anymore. He had feelings, a personality, a voice. So why was it that only his little sister was able to see that? It was pathetic.

Canada sighed and walked out of the bathroom, down the hall, and into the kitchen where began to make pancakes. He always made breakfast. If it were up to Alfred, they'd be having burgers for breakfast everyday. That, was not an option. And it wasn't like England could cook. Then there was the simple fact that they had no mother. So the only one left to cook the meals was, Canada.

He flipped the last pancake he was making and turned off the stove. Ontario's dainty feet could be heard padding down the hallway. Soon she came into the kitchen, wearing the lightest violet nightgown with messy bed-head. Her curl was sticking up awkwardly and Canada laughed softly at the sight.

"Hello" he muttered softly.

"Hiii, Brother. Mornin'!" She cheered, sounding much less tired than she was looking. She was always in a gleeful mood.

"Good morning." He replied with a small smile.

"Pancakes again? That's three days in a row now. I love pancakes!" The thirteen year old exclaimed, with an exaggerated hand motion.

"Well, that's nice. But you can't have them everyday. Tomorrow I'm going to see about making scrambled eggs. How does that sound?"

"Alright." She responded as she walked over to the cabinet to grabbed a cup and slammed it shut. She wasn't pouting, she liked eggs. It's just that she was just clumsly loud.

"Not so loud, eh?" He asked.

"Sorry!" She said as she walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bag of milk. She filled her cup, plopped in a couple of ice cubes, and walked over to the table where she struggled to sit in the tall seat. Eventually she got up there and sat patently while she waited for her plate of delicious pancakes.

Soon England and America had joined them and they are all sitting at the table enjoying their pancakes and milk, except for Canada who instead had maple-flavoured water.

"Can someone explain to me why we buy milk in the bags instead of the cartons?" Asked America.

"Because there's no reason not to put it in a bag. It's just fine that way." Ontario explained.

"No, it's not. What if the bag leaks?" Asked America.

"But the bag doesn't leak." She countered.

"Whatever. It's just abnormal. Like Curly fries." He mumbled.

Ontario rolled her eyes at her older brother.

"You know I think the bag actually uses up less plastic. Better for the environment."

Alfred then said,"What? Pff. No it doesn't. I highly doubt that."

"Brother, Alfred's annoying." She muttered to Canada.

Canada looked over at Ontario. "I know, Ontario. but that's not a very nice thing to say."

She nodded and took a bite of her pancakes.

"You all are bloody annoying." England stated.

"Well aren't you nice." America retorted.

"Thanks for breakfast, Ni-Chan." Ontario walked over to the sink and cleaned up her dishes before placing them in the dish washer. She then walked over and gave Canada a hug. Next Ontario scurried back down the hall to get ready for school. About half an hour later she came back down the hall with her bag and found Canada sitting by himself in the living room.

"Bye Bye!" She called as she raced out the door and down to her bus stop.

"Bye." He said softly with the tiniest of smiles painted on his face. Ontario was just about the only person he could think of who stopped to say good bye instead of simply whizzing past as though he weren't even there.

_**Rise: Opinions? Too short? Too Boring? Any questions? Lemme Know!**_

_**Ontario: We hope you liked it! :)**_


	2. Chapter 2: Little Dreamer

_**Rise: Hello Again! I've brought to you Chapter 2!**_

_**Ontario: Apologies in advance as the time between updates will very between chapter.**_

_**America: I can't believe I'm hardly in this story so far.**_

_**Rise: Don't worry, we'll get there.**_

_**Canada: Rise does not own Hetalia or any of it's characters. :)**_

It was another long day. Alfred nearly sat on Canada. Apparently, Russia isn't the only one who does that. _Sometimes I wonder why I go to the country meetings, Or get up every morning, Or breath. It's not like anyone appreciates me anyway. _There was Ontario. There was always Ontario. For some reason though, she didn't seem to count. It was like she was just obliged to care and to notice him. As he to her. Then again, maybe that was just Nova's duty as Ontario. Who knew. Maybe she really _didn't _care at all. Sitting in his room Canada reeled his hand back and punched the wall. The pain was agonizing, but he was pissed. Why did he have to be Canada? Why did he have to be the quiet and nice one who was always there, but was never noticed? He didn't like it one bit. And every second he had to himself, it was all he could think about.

He let out a sigh, put his glasses into his case, bandaged up his hand, and finally went to bed. Although, he couldn't actually get to sleep.

Ontario awoke with a start. Her breathing was heavy and her sheets had ended up n the floor.

"Just a bad dream." She tried to tell herself, but it had seemed so real. As she looked around the dark room shadows began to mold themselves into other shapes. She quickly fled the room to find her brother.

She opened the door quietly at first, looking to see if he was still awake. When she saw him sitting up on the bed, she walked in. "Hey, Matt. I have a question for you, Why do you think the chicken really crossed the road? I've been thinking about it and it really doesn't make any sense."

"Ontario, Why are you really in here?"

She paused, eyes widened as she saw the bandages on his hand. "Canada... W-what happened to your hand?"

"Oh It's nothing really. Just a scratch." He replied, tilting his head to the side with a small smile.

"Are you okay?" She asked, knowing he'd lied.

"Don't worry about me. What about you, Little Dream. Have a nightmare again? Would you like to sleep on the sun-bed tonight?" He asked, guesturing to the window on the other side of the room.

"Actually, it was nothing. I know I'm probably bothering you and all. I just needed someone to talk to. So thank you, and I'm sorry for annoying you. I'll go back to bed now."

As she walked away a single tear slid down her cheek, although she couldn't figure out why. She felt dumb for crying.

She went back to her room feeling sorry she'd even gone to see him. It was the middle of the night. All she was really doing by barging in there like that was being a pest. He didn't want to deal with her at this time of night. Sure, it was only 11 at night. But still. She was supposed to be in bed. Mathew certainly didn't need her coming into his room only to ask a few questions and leave. What was she, an annoying five year old child? It was just a dream. Besides, what was her brother supposed to do about it anyway? She was too old to sleep in her brother's room just because her dream had scared her. And he was just being nice anyway. From the bandaging on his hand it looked like he had a lot going on already. Ontario knew that she was just being stupid.

Matt was always a caring brotherly, almost fatherly figure for Nova Ava. But she knew he had a different personalty that he kept hidden from her. She was 'a little girl without the weight of the world'. Canada was much older. He had other things to deal with. Like every day adult responsibilities.

So after she calmed herself down, she sat on her bed for a while listening to the sound of her breathing. She did that from time to time. It kept her from thinking about things. Finally she went back to bed. This time, she was thankful she didn't dream.

_**Rise: Okay, I know it's short. I know it's random. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense. But, I just wanted to show Ontario's character. (Sorry if she seems un-Canadian at times. I'm not exactly an expert on Canada since I've never been there. Stereo-types and what you see on Hetalia are my best bet annd I'm American So... Yeah.)**_

_**Ontario: We hope you liked it! **_

_**Rise: Oh and thanks for reviewing! It means a lot. **_


	3. Chapter 3: A Broken Family

_**Rise: You were warned. A new chapter won't be posted everyday, but i'll try my best to update as soon as I can.**_

_**Ontario: If you're confused America and Alfred are the same person just as Canada and Matthew are the same person. My other name is Nova Ava. :)**_

_**America: I'm the hero of this chapter! Yes!**_

_**Canada: There is no hero in this chapter. You're just seen feeling lonely.**_

_**America: Well, that sucks.**_

_**Ontario: Rise does not own Hetalia.**_

_**Rise: But I do own Ontario, the character. :)**_

_**Ontario: Enjoy!**_

America was in his room, looking through old photo's . Of him and England, him and Canada. Canada. It was like he was hardly around anymore. What was with that? They were brothers. Friends even. But it seemed as though they were drifting apart. America let out a nostalgic sigh. He missed the old times. He missed being a kid and going to school every weekday with his brother by his side. Whatever happened to that? Oh, yeah. They grew up. And Matthew just sort of, faded away.

Then there was England. Things had just... changed. They had changed. Although Alfred, for one, didn't feel much different. It was like he was in the middle, at a stopping point. Everyone else? They bustled around him. They moved, and they grew. He was a big kid. With another sigh, he set the stack of pictures back down on his desk. He knew if he went too far down in the pile, he'd come across a picture of their mother. That, he wouldn't have been able to stand. Those are memories best not remembered.

She need a third child. Had he and Mathew not been good enough? Nova... Nova killed her. He knew he couldn't actually blame his sister, but it was a hard thought to escape. Their mother had died in child birth.

"Maybe if I go eat something I'll forget about it." He muttered, scampering off to the kitchen. He heated up a piece of leftover pizza from a few nights before. He hadn't had lunch yet today, so this would be it.

Sitting there eating his pizza, he felt lonely. "Well, no family is perfect." When he got up to throw the crust away and wash off the plate he bumped into something. Or rather, someone. "Oh, didn't see you there." He murmured, walking past Canada.

"It's okay." He said softly, with a small smile. But it wasn't okay. It just helped to prove how invisible he seemed to everyone around him. It was as though he weren't there, so he didn't matter. He was there. And he wasn't going away. But that didn't change anything.

Canada walked down the hall and to his bedroom with his head down. Ontario was at school. So, for the time being he figured he'd play Harry Potter. The phrase, 'I'll be in my room making no noise and pretending that I don't exist' came to mind.

(I own nothing Harry Potter related)

He grabbed his bear, Kumajiro.

"You know who I am, right?" He was no answer, and he clenched his fists together.

"No one knows who I am." He muttered.

Canada was the second largest country. Canada had hosted the Olympics. Even so, Canada was often forgotten. With that, so was Mathew. Why was it that way? He didn't know.

If only he knew, that America didn't like it either. Alfred was anattention seeker, but he missed his brother.

_**Rise: I'm sorry! It's another short chapter. I hope to get my chapters flowing together smoother and smoother as I go.**_

_**Ontario: We hope you liked it, and we appreciate reveiws!**_


	4. Chapter 4: Goodbye England

_**Rise: I know it's been a while, I'm sorry! Happy 4th of July! Also, I'm pretty sure Canadian Independance day was a few days ago so... let's just say HAPPY INDEPENDANCE! And now here is chapter 4, finally!**_

_**Ontario: This chapter is sad.**_

_**Canada: Rise does not own Hetalia.**_

He walked into the living room, hoping to simply go out the door and meet up with France.

"God knows why I'm doing this." He murmured to himself, then he suddenly broke out into a fit of coughing. He was sick. He was getting worse. Still huffing, he walked over to the couch. There was a table next to it, on which tissues were placed. He pulled out a handful and brought them to his mouth, blood was spilling out.

_I'm not old enough for this. This is unheard of! I can't believe I'm already on deaths bed. _His thoughts did little to calm him.

After a while the couchs stopped and his breathing returned to normal. He threw the bloody tissues away and walked out the door without a care. England had little time left. This fact he hid from the rest of his firends and family. But soon he'd be gone. America and Canada had birthday's coming up soon. That would've been a wonderful present! 'Happy birthday! Oh, by the way I'm dying. Let's cut the cake!' Yeah, no. And he wasn't going to be all, "I'm dying, so you all have to be especially nice to me out of pity.' England wasn't going to do that. He preferred things as they were. Although, America sometimes made him wish to say similar things.

He went off to meet with France, pretending he wasn't ill. Later that day he took his last breath. It was chaotic. America rushed to the hospital as soon as he heard while Canada went to pick Ontario up from school. When they got there, he was lying still in the hospital bed. Canada continued to insist that he was okay and would soon wake up, trying hard to convince Ontario and slightly hoping to believe it himself. His step-dad wasn't one of his favorite people, but any death is sad. Any death made him think of his mother. In th end even though he wouldn't say anything about it, he'd miss England.

For Canada life seemed to be spiraling out of control, silently. Because over the next few days they carried on. The difference in the house? Canada and America drifted even further apart than tehy'd ever been, and no one once spoke of Arthur.

The funeral was sad . He wasn't sure, but Canada could've swore he saw America crying.

Ontario kept a picture of her mother under her pillow. She'd never gotten to meet her mother. She thought England might've appreciated it if she kept a picture of him as well. Just to remember him. She went into his old room in search of a photo. It took her a while, but she finally found one. She made sure to put everytihng back as it had been when she found it. She looked at the picture with a sad smile.

"I'm sorry for going through you're stuff."

_**Rise: I know it's short! I'm sorry, I can't seem to write a long chapter. I need to work on that.**_

_**Ontario: Please review, and thanks for reading! :)**_


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